Sometimes it’s funny where life takes you and how you can’t quite seem to calculate how you ended up in your present location with your very present realities. Things happen and, at least for me, I very rarely seem able to predict or even backtrack why or how.
I was making my ever-common commute to Jax the other day. Lately things have been hell. I made a terrible choice yet again in the dating world and it’s ended with a situation that will have a lifelong effect. I live in Waycross, Georgia. I haven’t found a church here and I feel further from my faith than I have since becoming a believer. I started a new job here which is now partnered up with a job in Jax as well and balancing both and some emotional stuff just isn’t as easy as I assumed it would be.
I was listening to spotify, although I can’t remember exactly what song. I was texting some people, although nobody special. I was headed to my parent’s house, which is much more of a downer than an upper for me. Usually- and I’m not afraid to admit it- my car rides have been mostly filled with really heavy thoughts and some tears. This one was different though. I had just finished up work, was heading to Jax to start more work, and was staying at my parents which was going to be filled with 500 other awkward conversations about things that I couldn’t change or prevent.
I was thinking and for the first time in a couple weeks I felt happy. Light. Secure. Like I was doing it right. Then I started thinking, why wouldn’t I be happy?! I had two amazing jobs! And I’m good at BOTH of them. I had the most amazing support system of friends in the entire world.. and it just doubled with a whole new group. The Waycross kids I’ve met here remind me of what real, genuine people are. They’re welcoming, honest, loyal, and fun. Their morals are similar to mine and it’s refreshing. There’s only like 2 bars here- drinking and partying are not the foundations of your friendships. It’s conversation, time, common interests, being active outdoors, and let me say it again- CONVERSATION. I’ve had more deep, sober talks with this group of 8 amazing people than I had the entire 9 years in Jax. I’ve known and worked with these people for about three weeks. They’ve never asked me to hide this from their families or to not mention that, they’re accepting and not judgmental. They grew up in a small town and work hard. They are not entitled. Most of them here have never heard of tinder (amen) and laughed when the 2 girls [who left for college and moved back] as well as myself tried to explain it to them. “So it’s just girls and guys who can’t just ask people on dates in person?”. I don’t know if its the naive, outdoorsy nature of all the people here or if it’s just nice to have a group who understands family dinners, movie nights, river trips, golfing, hunting camp outs, hiking, horseback riding and road trips that don’t include drinking or any additional substances that made me decide to give Waycross a real shot, but I’m glad that I did.
Things are going to be great, and they are far better now than how they were a month or two ago. The past is funny. You can’t change things as much as you wish you could, you can’t make people different or to mean their words, and you can’t stop your heart from stinging or feeling fear when you move forward into very unknown territory. But you know what you can do? Laugh at it: completely, openly, and wholeheartedly.